A year can encompass a plethora of changes. Last year around this time I was mentally and emotionally preparing for my entire life dynamic to change. I am grateful beyond comprehension that it didn't happen. I will always be angry about being used and taken advantage of, especially for as many years as it took place, the lies I endured, the abuse that was handed out, but with the things I am hearing, I am at peace. I'm glad that people reap what they sow. I'm thankful it is a Godly principle that people will get back what they have dished out.
On a much lighter and happier note, I just spent the most amazing Vakentine's Day with my amazing best friend and husband. I never dreamed that love could run so deeply...so rich in kindness and compassion. I only THOUGHT what I experienced before was love. I'm not sure what it was before except fake. I'm glad to finally be living my life in the arms of someone who wishes to protect me and never harm me. It literally hurts the both of us to be apart like we have been for the past 7 months but that will soon change and we can not wait!!! It is going to be heaven on this earth to lie down each and every night next to my love and my best friend...to lay there talking like we do on the weekends, to have our kids come in every night and sit on our bed just to chit chat, to wake in the morning with little feeties running in the room asking for Kolaches!!! No, we absolutely can not wait!!!
For those of you reading from the Narcissistic/Sociopath forum, I started this blog because I was told I was out of touch with reality. Funny how the Abusers can't leave our "reality" alone though...but in hindsight, I'm glad I started it, it has helped me heal, and helped others heal also. I have received numerous emails from people asking how I handled "this" or handled "that" ....it hasn't been easy, especially watching and listening to a young child of mine talk about how he also views things, but I know in the end, because our lives went the direction that they went, everything has worked out just as it should. Escaping the abuse is the key....what you get is what you allow. I don't even allow my former abuser to talk to me. It just can't happen. He will never be cordial or nice and even the last few times we have talked, he brings up the past and how angry he is about it. What kind of man who is happy does that?! He should be GLAD that he has her instead of worrying about being angry at things regarding me that are IMAGINED. I guess whatever helps you sleep at night....I won't lose sleep over it, again, especially with what I'm hearing about his "happiness"....guess that's why he feels so free to even bring up our past! Who knows! I think 4 hours of non-stop texting about it from him was uncalled for but ok....and of course I just went off on a tangent there but you get the picture. Blogging about the BS I have been through had made me very strong. I am intolerable to whatever he or anyone has to dish out. Water off a ducks back....his and her insecurities are laughable yet sad at the same time. I'm secure and that's all I care about besides helping others reach the same level of security. It took me 5 years of post divorce/reconciliation measures to become this strong. I've been called crazy, psychotic, fake, a bitch, nuts, ignorant, stupid, worthless....doesn't bother me because it's those behaviors abusers use to make themselves feel better and to convince their puppets around them that they are right. The pattern obviously continues though and soon everyone will see.
So don't give up, people....you are valuable and that's why your abuser wants you broken in the first place. They will soon find someone else to be their supply but they still won't be happy or content...they have to have a conscience for that! Keep the faith...you're gonna get there!!!!!!!!
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