Well, ok ... right off the bat you are probably thinking I am talking about one kind of freedom, when I'm actually talking about "being free of" something.
For quite a few years I lived bound and tormented by things I could not get free from. They were in the forefront of my mind every waking minute. Literally. No exaggeration in the least with that statement. I battled guilt of my divorce (even though we all know that it takes two to dissolve a relationship so that it gets to the point of divorce), desperation, pain, loss, jealousy, fear, memories, and did I mention guilt yet? I battled with these things to the degree that I would do almost anything to justify most of my actions that were born out of those miserable feelings. You see, I never thought my life was supposed to go in the direction that it went, but then I have to look at things from outside of the box. Is it really God's will for my life to live with and love someone who treats me badly? Someone who is condescending to me and puts me down in every area of life? Someone who tells me I am a horrible person and mother? No.....I truly believe that it would never be God's will for my life to live beat down, run down, crying all the time, living with high blood pressure and other health problems from the stress that I lived under, etc....so why is it that I battled so long with all those emotions and feelings? I can clearly see now that it was because I ALLOWED those feelings and emotions to control me for so long that they were a deeply seeded part of who I was and to get rid of them would almost feel to me like losing a limb, or losing my sight, or SOMETHING drastic. I had lost enough already ... did I really need to go ahead and lose the rest of what I was desperately trying to hold onto? Well ... honestly, in order to move on with God, I had to be willing to let God prune those things from my life. I had to be willing to take every single negative thought captive and think on good things. Finally .... the harassment that I lived under was beginning to become too much to bear. Every day I wanted to break down. The pressure had become too strong. The life was being literally sucked out of me. I didn't want to live. I didn't want to exist. I didn't want to hear music for every single note brought a memory to my thoughts that did nothing but torment me for days and sometimes weeks. It kept my mind so occupied that I couldn't stay on task. I couldn't pray enough. I couldn't read God's word enough. The frustration always come what seemed to be ten times stronger every time I tried to tackle these demons ON MY OWN. I knew I finally had to come to terms with reaching out to others to help me get free of this. This day came when the one person I truly felt I was never meant to be without had actually told me we would be bonded for life, and that he would never release me. Immediately I knew I had been a prisoner. I had KINGDOM EYES to see what had happened to me. I was allowing someone else, who was not my husband, to have control over me, and suddenly this was no longer acceptable. The coming Saturday was a home group study where some of my family and very close friends gather to sing, seek, and share. We sing praises to God, we seek His word, and we share what He has done for us and what we can do for Him. Before I went that night, I had purposed in my heart to EXPECT God to do something great and mighty for me. As our service came to an end, we were offered the opportunity to receive prayer, and I knew this was my time to let it all go! I briefly told the Pastor what my struggle was, he asked for anyone coming into agreement with me to step forward and lay hands on me. Everyone prayed, I gave the whole entire situation to GOD ALMIGHTY, and I left a new and improved person that night. I know without a shadow of a doubt, if it had not been for the intimate setting of a small home get together with family and very close friends, the deliverance from my chains that night would probably have never happened. I walked in freedom for the first time that I can ever remember. It seems that I have always been bound by SOMETHING in my life, mostly guilt and shame. My self-esteem was not anywhere near truly believing that I am the righteousness of God in Christ! Seriously!!! There are a few other things that I did to help this process along. I changed my phone number so that I am not so easily accessible to that person anymore. As of today, we have not communicated in 9 days, which is something that in the past was unheard of. We exchanged communication in some sort almost daily for the past 13 years.
Reminds me of a song ....
My chains are gone, I've been set free
My God My Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood his mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing Grace......
If you are bound by anything today, I encourage you to take the step of faith to be set free. Honestly, I screamed, cried, hollered, begged, and pleaded for God to TAKE THIS FROM ME! But I finally realized, God wasn't going to take it from me, especially if I wasn't readily willing to let go of it .... He wanted me to GIVE IT TO HIM! And when I had had enough ... when I could not see how to live anymore with this hindering my every step, I knew it was time to give it up to Him. Now I walk and live and breathe in the freedom that I only dreamed about before. I am strong enough in HIM now to take every thought captive and cast it back to the pits of hell from where it came, I can war in the spirit much more effectively now than ever before in my life, and my LOVE has come straight from God himself ... It's like he gave me a "love transfusion", it's all brand new on the inside of me, and I ache to give it away. I can stand upright now and walk with my precious Jesus and boldly proclaim His name and His word .... I can wish those who persecuted me a happy life full of blessings, which is a miracle within itself after feeling used and abused for so many years.
I'm brand new ... and that's what it's all about.
Thank you, Jesus ... that if I had been the only one with a need that night, you would have still shown up.....
<3
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