Re-Grouping

So, I had to take a break from the reading of and retyping of the journal entries.  As much as I have healed, it is still very difficult for me to even read that stuff.  It angers me beyond belief.  It upsets me to a level that I long for the day that all the pain I was ever caused is dumped right straight in the lap of the one who caused it.  But it's also a reminder, a CLEAR reminder, of where I have come from, and what kind of life I have been blessed with since then.  I have decided that I am not going to type the final journal entry of my marriage because I feel that you all get the idea of what I went through.  The healing has taken a long time and I am not convinced that I will ever be completely healed, but I do know that I am on a good path and that ridding my life of such  poison was the best thing I could have ever done.  Regardless of the fact that from 2009 to 2013 we dabbled in the reconciliation talks, I still became stronger and stronger with every jab he threw, even during the times he was telling me we belonged together, I had the wrong last name (and he began calling me my first name and his last name again), spending time with each other and our son (and my youngest son who still loves and misses him) - yada yada yada ..... I knew in my heart I would never be treated how I deserved to be treated.  None of the fantasy ideals he had mistakingly adhered to about me over the years would ever go away.  So again, that leads me to reflect on the POSITIVE things in my life and the blessings I have been given since moving on completely.

The biggest blessings in my life are my husband and my children.  They are my biggest fans, the ones who support me the most in everything, the ones who truly love me unconditionally.  No matter what I have been through, they understand.  My bad days are so few and far between now that I don't even remember the last one that I had.  THAT is exciting news!!!  I know some of you out there will get to that place also.  YOU WILL OVERCOME!!!  Like I needed, you also need positivity spoken into your life daily.  You need people to tell you that you can do it!  My husband and my children have ALL done that for me.  They keep me going every single day.  That's not to say that we don't butt heads, because we do.  That is just a natural part of relationships and life.  It would be abnormal if we were in conflict daily, but that's not the case.  I still have to me "MOM" but my kids are so wonderful with being positive about life.  That's not something I was accustomed to living under in the past.  EVERYONE was out to get us, EVERYONE had something negative to say, EVERYONE wanted blood, blah blah blah ... it got so freakin old!!!  Even in hard times, my husband has always remained the most positive person I have ever known.  You know, for as much crap as my children have witnessed in that previous marriage, they have turned out very well.  They have an outstanding and irreplaceable relationship with my husband.  They are not screamed at or belittled, ridiculed, or cornered for any reasons.  I love that they go to my husband for things that they need, or just to talk, joke around, go to the park or the gym, whatever ... it is an amazing blessing in my life to get to experience the goodness of a TRUE LOVE.  I knew one day I would have it...

I will still be posting articles for those of you who need the reinforcement of their content.  I know you're going to make it out stronger than you've ever been.  You will be like me, and one day look back and not hurt anymore, and be able to turn your strengths towards someone else's sad and lonely face and help them understand where they are because you have been there!  Keeping silent is just what sociopathic narcissists want from us.  They don't want to be exposed .... As I have mentioned before, be prepared for them to call you crazy, psycho, stupid, dumb, out of touch with reality, etc.......But you will grow STRONGER with every moment you have to fight to be free!  You can do it!

A song that helped get me through, even though I didn't completely understand the fullness of what I had gone through or would continue to endure for the next many years, is a song by Faith Hill called "Stronger".  Take a listen ....