Might As Well

I can't count how many times over the past year I have been told that I have absolutely no concept of reality. I, on the other hand, feel pretty in touch with reality. My love is real, my pain is real, my laughs are real ... I do not stay spaced out or out of touch with anything, including my feelings or how I perceive others. But, there is one soul out there who insists that I am so out of touch with things that I can not separate my fantasy world from reality ... I might as well act like it! lol

Nah ... he wishes I would act like that! Whatever . . . I know what has happened to me in my life, I know why the relationships I have been in have ended, and I know how each person in my life has made me feel - loved, hated, appreciated, annoyed, happy, sad, ignored, worthless, priceless, disposable, irreplaceable, etc ... You get the picture.

You know, I have learned that if you want someone to know without a doubt that you love them, you better show it. Show it in words and deed, affection, every action should be a confirmation that you love that person, even if you don't agree on something, you can discuss it and talk things out in a loving manner instead of a condescending manner so to make that other person feel that they and their opinions don't matter. I have realized a simple look can change the whole attitude of a conversation between you and your loved one. Never assume because you are married to someone that they are going to KNOW that you love them. We all need affirmations in our lives and one of those is that we are valuable to our partners and that they need us. Communication is a big plus - never assume that what you think you are hearing is what your partner is saying! How many of us on a regular basis would intentionally attack our partners ???? I didn't think so .... So communication is a key element to understanding where each of us are at in our circumstances. I have also learned that I can't say enough about intimacy - hand holding, caressing, kisses, hugs, a brush of the hair, walking side by side, watching movies in each others arms - without intimacy in a relationship, things go downhill.

Why am I writing about all this? It's just things I have learned within the past year, and I am 38. I have always felt these things were important, but did not realize just HOW important they are to sustaining your love for someone else.

From these revelations, I just can't accept the accusation that I am far removed from reality. I have a very real concept of how things work and the consequences, both good and bad, of all our actions.

Have you ever known anyone who lies with every sentence they form? Well, I have been accused of that also. It drives me insane. When I was married before, my then-husband NEVER believed anything I ever had to say ... not even simple things, like maybe where I had last placed an item in our house. He certainly didn't believe me when I told him he was the only man that I ever wanted. Of course, it is so hard to convince anyone of anything you say when they have it set in their heart and mind that you are the world's biggest liar. Funny how things work like that ... it's like an indication that they are trying to find qualities in you that they don't like about themselves. I caught him lying to me almost every day, especially about other women ... and wouldn't you know, I was the one ACCUSED of wanting other men all the time. It doesn't take someone removed from reality to see what was going on there .... amazing.

You know what ... this blog doesn't really mean squat, I just wanted to "get it out" of my system. I deal with this on a more regular basis than I feel that I should have to. I am NOT all the things that I am accused of being. It gets tiring and draining to defend myself all the time. I know yall will tell me that I don't need to do that, but I do ... I am not going to just lay down and take it. The one doing the accusing is no better than me. He had an affair during our engagement and I married him anyway. My bad. I should have known I didn't mean enough to him to have my feelings matter EVER.

Yes, this is a VENT cuz I am tired of keeping it bottled up inside of me. It is frustrating for me that someone thinks those kinds of things about me because obviously they never really knew my heart. I was just a convenience for them, a way to get out of their mother's house really, and a release for sexual frustrations when the need came up. UUmm, yes, I am transparent. Gitovrit.

Ok, so my first blog on here was not quite what I wanted it to be in the beginning but it's out, I feel better, and now I can get on with my day.

Oh, and really, I wrote this for myself so I can gripe all those thoughts I keep having in my head ... today, the voices in my head won.

Later...